Awakening

Lots of early day thinking. After watching one of my favorite mediums on youtube, my mind is on wonder mode this morning. She talked about spiritual awakening vs. human awakening. I forget, sometimes, why I am here. I spend so much time living to die and not living. Does that make sense? I guess what I mean is that we spend so much time on how we will live in the afterlife that we forget what we should be doing in the here and now. Having the human experience in the moment we are living is so important. She mentioned that when we die, we will have that spiritual awakening. What? Whoa, brain spark ignited! Yes, makes perfect sense....at least in my mind. Then I started wondering if I would have regrets for not living the human part. I hate regret, it's an awful feeling. I believe most people live to die. It's really what we are taught. We are told that this life is all about the after life. This makes me think that we are missing the gift God gave us. We really are missing the experience here. Like most people, I think regret we would have is not attending church, not living the perfect life, walking the straight line every minute....that's not experiencing being human. We are made to be imperfect, IMHO. I fully believe that if you do your best to be a good person, do good things, treat all beings (human and non-human) well, be good the the beautiful earth that God gave us, you have nothing to worry about in the next life. Really, God gave us rules to follow, the 10 commandments are HUGE! Read them!! Ten simple rules...live by them! 
Today, take a moment to feel the sun on your arms and face, the wind in your hair, or even the rain kiss your cheeks. Breath in and experience the moment you are living. 

Mother's Day Anxiety

Dreadful holidays!! All of them!! Mother's day is by far the hardest because it's close to my beautiful boys angelversary. As we approach these days, the anxiety can sometimes be overwhelming. If I were monetarily wealthy, every holiday would be spent in the woods with my husband and dogs and away from all people. Unfortunately, I'm not and I can't just hide. Life has to keep happening. As life happens, I continue to find, or at least look for, some sort of peace during these times. I try to stay to myself and treat those days like any other. It's not easy. People worry about us and they want to make it better. They want to try and fill a little bit of that void, bring a smile to our faces, and I love them for that. However, sometimes the filling they give is jagged, itchy, and scratches my soul. They don't mean it, I know that. Heck, I don't want it to feel that way. Having a child transition back to the place that our soul came from is hard. It's just hard! There are no rules to follow for this. Our babies aren't born with an instruction book and we certainly don't get one if they go home before us. 

Journey

Grief is a journey nobody wants to be on and it's not talked about enough. It's taboo!! It's scary!! It's contagious!! Contagious? Well, I feel like people treat grief as a disease that if talked about, it can be caught. Sounds rather ridiculous, doesn't it? As ridiculous as it sounds, how do you treat people who have lost somebody so dear? Do you just want them shut up because it makes you uncomfortable or do you open your heart and ears to listen. Death is something we ALL have to face. It's painful and can shake you to your core. Actually, let me put this out there....I'm not a fan of the word death or die. Death is so final for our soul. For me, it's a transition back to home. With that being said, I believe, with every piece of my being, that the veil is thin and love never ends. I believe we will reunite with our loved ones. 

I have no idea where I am going with this page, this journey. I have no idea how often I will write. I guess when I feel my spirit needs the outlet and my soul is overflowing with words that need to escape. What I do know is this my journey. My journey, NOT yours. Read that last sentence again because, beautiful soul, you have your own journey to walk. These are my thoughts, my feelings, and my writings. They may resonate and you may come back to walk and share some of my path with me. Or, you may not come back and this may just be a crossroad where we say "hi and safe travels, my friend, be blessed". Either way is just fine. You have to find your way and your peace. We aren't born with a rule book and we don't transition with one either.